structure crumbling, endless tumbling
not falling toward some final resting place
darkness rumbling, hands are fumbling
reach up to touch the void that was my face
light is bending, never ending
calling out but screams all go unheard
wounded mending, message sending
my signal stopped before the final word
fatal bleeding, heart is speeding
no strategy to make disasters cease
end is seeding, past is feeding
my addiction to this broken masterpiece
the shape is taken, I awaken
mirror broken, all mistaken
cut the ladder, watch it falling
face unreal, sky is calling
circles paved, lines abound
guiding edge, nothing found
dropping heavy, sight is fading
joining tides, deeper wading
mind of never, thought alighted
single minus, seven sighted
touching ground, space is wrong
screaming colors, empty song
down is up, burning voices
blood is ending, fatal choices
back right and
been lied to
far more than
what is lost
three dots and
kneel down, we
edges dull and
error are you
twist the neck and
burn the door
this is all there's
i see the colors, but they hurt me
i see the flesh, and it kills...
i smell the flowers, sweet and bitter
i taste the poison, and it spills...
i dry the tears, but they keep coming
i wipe my eyes, but they blur...
i can feel it, but i can't believe
i'm dying and refuse the cure...
a broken rung on a rotting ladder
barely standing on the ground
tried to delve beneath the surface
got tangled up in vines and drowned
couldn't keep up with the relay
missed the handoff, fell behind
should've listened to their warnings
but I stared so long I've become blind
orbit forever around the middle
like the icy rings of Saturn
drift away to the very edge
to try to break the pattern
the wormhole tells of a different outcome
than the darkness that's expected
but the rock that was thrown made such a splash
that every ending was infected
the brilliance of the water's surface
just makes everything seem duller
but it doesn't matter what light is shining
because shadows have no color
I'm chaotic. Neurotic. Open-minded and open-ended. I am not controlled by fate, I refuse to do what you dictate. Life itself is a disease of the mind that cannot correctly function at its universal junction in space and time. In the sandbox I've drawn a line. Stepping over the line will create scars in your mind that no amount of detox or cleansing can heal. With me it's deal or no deal. Polar extremes; No in-between. I bear arms and wear shields. No middle ground. Everything is either green, grassy meadows or bloody battlefields. Corrosive, explosive. Not impulsive, but I live for the moment. Adrenaline junkie that got lost in the torrent. Outer space is my home. In my mind where I roam, I'm online but disconnected. Too close; now you're infected. I give more than I take. Though it seems it's a mistake of my creation. Sanitation is what my mind needs, it's where the viral entity breeds. I am dynamic, yet full of static. Quite simply multi-layered, multi-colored, enigmatic. Psychosomatic, ever frantic, hopeless romantic. Innocent, though my hands are quite bloody. I am the Perfect Nobody...
I don't know now who I can trust
everything solid turns to rust
I'll slit my wrists, let them bleed
I really just don't feel the need
to go on like this any longer
the weakness in me growing stronger
I've built up so much animosity
that I'll let fly at high velocity
a bit of copper
into my topper
a piece of lead
into my head
to end it all, no more screaming
no more lies, or nightmare dreaming
no more bullshit accusations
or gut-wrenching conversations
no more eyes lurking behind me
no more worries that they will find me
with a kiss of lead, a scarlet spray
all thoughts erase of that fucked up day
when the path was chosen to be heartless
to save myself and walk in darkness
a beautiful, caring person hiding behind a killer's eyes
tangled, twisted truths coming out as hateful lies
a seed I planted with my heart, that will never grow
an unfinished book whose ending I will never know
a breath of air I took for granted that could've been my last
living in fear of the future without thinking of the past
a rejected smile from someone who only wished me well
trying so hard to feel safe that I stay inside my shell
a running hate inside me that will never catch its breath
a disease so strong, left to spread, will only bring me death
I hope to be a better person if I have to be reborn
with everyone so far away, there's no one here to mourn
like dirt that's being shoveled back into an empty grave
the blackest rose you'll never see, lost within a cave
words on fading paper written in disappearing ink
a broken chain that can't be whole without its missing link
a person lacking rhythm that was never taught to dance
thrown into a ballroom setting, like I ever had a chance
like a juvenile star that can't create the light of day
roaming, lost without a map, a trillion miles away
a wingless bird thrown from a roof, that you expect to fly
with no more options but to find a quiet place to die
on the floor twitching from the poison ingested
the poison inside is my pain manifested
made sick from the potions I'm constantly swallowing
alone on the ground, in my vomit I'm wallowing
up-heaving so much, only bile is in me
I reach again for my poison, but the vial is empty
with enough madness given, I'll restock my shelf
this time however, I'll keep it all to myself
mixed with everything else, enough poison to fill me
when I taste this last drop, the potion should kill me
it cannot be traced, my cause of death vague
when I start to decay it will spread like the plague
my contagion will go airborne, and take everyone's breath
so toxic am I that I'm good for nothing but death
never knowing - [what lies ahead]
never growing - [you can't once you're dead]
never seeing - [the truth inside]
never being - [my truth has died]
never making - [any right choices]
never waking - [from my nightmare of voices]
never giving - [a fuck about morality]
never living - [trapped in their reality]
never feeling - [any better than the day before]
never healing - [the struggle leaves me bruised and sore]
never seeding - [anything worth growing]
always bleeding - [and the downpour isn't slowing]
Connection of two blackened hearts
Is where the feuding sorrow starts
Burning circles scorch our flesh
Flames have burned and torn our mesh
Not happy being what we are
Unbalance now has gone too far
To break the bond that binds us
We'll let the blinded guide us
A sightless surgeon with no morals
Settles our disputes and quarrels
Align the blade and take a slice
But the cost will put us in a vice
In emptiness we're left to wander
Bitter from what's left to ponder
If with you is how I should have cried
Instead of for you, for us, untied
[The quintessential poison for my palate quenches not]
[this feast is for the senses, the aftermath is burning hot]
[a wasteland hidden from my eyes, blinded by my migraine]
[just a thorn in someone's side, left nothing but a bloodstain]
[to get such feelings from a thought, a primitive sensation]
[I beg of you, my idle hands, lead me now into temptation]
[a slight ringing in my ears, then all I hear is laughter]
[liberty then follows suit, regret, remorse, the mourning after]
[deceptive is the blade which remains behind a sheath]
[no way to see the point concealed, the edge that's underneath]
[tax my very being with every urge I try to fight]
[clouds are washing over me, darkness pushing out the light]
[this world is not meant for me, I need somewhere dark and gloomy
[I have to hide where they can't find me...inside your head seems nice and roomy]
I opened up the wall and found a broken mirror
staring at my own mind, are these feelings fear or
Hate? Self rejection? Dad's reflection?
No protection, from my evil thoughts
lie detection, from the fake I brought
maybe drugs will flush out all the monsters in my brain
and if I'm not insane, and if it's not reality
then it might be my mentality, a disease, a strain
of illness, or is this, just me hating me so gravely
that bravely, I step out against my own
against my mind I take a loan
to place a bet, but too deep in debt
now I sit here all alone
in a world that doesn't want me
and let my fever haunt me
to rest would be bliss
only the breeze would I miss
its kiss, full of tenderness
not the bitterness
this sea is choppy
somebody stop me
I'm losing myself
in this abyss
waste is all I see
waste is all that lives
waste is what exists
time to waste
with this two-faced
burden on humanity
mirror imaged vanity
that wastes away
like my whole life
taken out of me my fight
the kill, the chill
in this cold air
strips me like a desert bare
broken like an empty urn
whose ashes were long scattered
smiling now in my defeat
as if it even mattered
like a word without a purpose
a dead rose for a dying love
the heavens now descend upon me
and strike me from above
the tally has been taken now
the dead have paid their fee
one's missing though
you didn't notice
the one missing is me...
the brave and the "free" stand their ground
they know not where to go
you lead them down your broken streets
with the guillotine in tow
the symbol of our free will hangs sagging in the breeze
hung by those who govern us, stricken with disease
all seems rotten in the swamp
leaders corrupt, they all decay
your colors are red, white, and blue
but in them all I see is gray
you feed us lies and terror, standing tall with many faces
then turn on those who have your back
and hand them your disgraces
your end is coming, you can't stop it
I will be there the day you are dethroned
I denounce my allegiance to you
we may stand in line but we won't be owned
the stars and stripes all fade away
it's time now for the end to start FUCK AMERICA! FUCK THE SYSTEM!
your flag is burning in my heart
Walking slowly, calmly.
There, I see it.
Up ahead. The perfect spot.
The spot picked out long ago.
Step behind. Climbing, steadying.
A bird chirps.
Heat waves on rooftops.
Reach down. Two snaps.
Eyes closed. Feeling the weight of my reality.
Mortality weighs less than an ounce.
Click. Twist. Slide.
Out of the sun. Into cold darkness.
A sense of warmth overcomes me.
Slide. Twist. Click.
Voices echo in that darkness.
Short breaths through tight lips and clenched teeth.
Cringing pains in the back of my mind.
Eyes squint. Close.
Look down. It's time.
This will fill in the blanks.
Eyes open. No more time.
Straight forward. There. In plain sight.
The ruiner of life. The ender of peace.
Now bears a cross upon his brow.
No remorse. No regret.
A few words.
Eyes burn. Eyes blur. A tear trickles. Drops.
Now. Once and for all. It stops here.
My muscles twitch from the pain in my mind
there's a demon free in my head, I can't find
a way to put out the burn in my chest
if I step off the edge, end it all, I can rest
there's a darkness in me that no one can see
it tortures and torments my thoughts to be free
ignoring it pisses it off and it eats at me
tearing away every last shred of my decency
fucked up thoughts about a fucked up past
fucked up how happiness in my life won't last
in a fucked up circle that never stops
push me an inch or two more and I'll drop
off of this edge, and sink into nothingness
can't speak out, no one to trust with this
knife that I have in my hands to give up
I turn myself around and always get stuck
deep in my back, my body goes numb
I'd give up all I have, every last crumb
just to be happy, content with my life
but it's getting too hard to pull out this knife
my flesh never heals, I bleed in my mind
concealing pain, won't let you inside
but no way to tell how long it'll stay
this pain in my mind won't go away
Thank you for my self doubt
dictating my demise
the spark of human life has left me
no shimmer in my eyes...
thank you for killing off my trust
on those who trap and cage me in
now in only one I can confide...
thanks for a lack of compassion
toward those who deserve it most
you've left me all alone again
talking to a ghost...
thanks for the world I used to live in
all the falsehood, deaf to truth
I couldn't hear my cries...
thanks for locking up my feelings
and throwing away the key
in chains and shackles you have kept them
too distraught to break free...
thank you for never being there
to catch me when I fall
with no support, it's always like
you're never there at all...
thanks for all your criticism
you gave me through the years
your criticism, all destructive
reducing me to tears...
I want to thank you for all the times
the pain I've caused, yet never vengeful
through all the decisions that I've made
you've never been judgmental...
Repetitive ignorance blows in the doom
Budding untrusting concepts, they bloom
Seeding the minds of vulnerable young
With bitter unthought, they speak with no tongue
Tell them you care with fear in your eyes
Eradicate sentences; you create, I despise
Time's running out, positivity's bleak
The system is crumbling, beginning to leak
Searching my mind for uncharted new areas
Corruption of self, conversion hysteria
The wakes of their death, they wash over me
The tics of my eyes make it too hard to see
The pollution of the unjust, scratched in my skin part of me
I beg of you, let the unwanted die with their sin para mí
My words clash with yours, I must be insane pardon me
The finishing blow, the blood will come, reign tragedy
Bemired in thoughts of salvation [I hate myself]
No time for perambulation [I'm directing myself]
My colic grows strong and brings me down [I'm cleansing myself]
Legions of lesions grow old and turn brown [I'm leeching myself]
Fret in my mind trickles insanity [I'm losing myself]
Broken mirrors cut me, so much for vanity [I'm masking myself]
Maunder in life, my feet are unscathed [I'm lost by myself]
Cremains of my past, the road shall be paved [I'm burning myself]
Placid I stay, you tick at my patience [I'm bleeding myself]
I still bleed inside, end coming nascence [I'm creating myself]
I hunger for change, the pangs overtaking [I'm cheating myself]
I'm owned by my debts, pressure, breaking [I'm building myself]
Blind to my site, impure, inaesthetic [I'm tired of myself]
I cry out at nothing, how fucking pathetic [I'm deaf to myself]
My movements are spasms, my limbs twitch and jerk [I'm drawing myself]
Can't take anymore, my end now a burke [I'll finish myself]
You did this to me. I had no choice. You killed me.
running, frightened from my madness
screaming, eyes red from all the crying
down deep I know there's a sadness
I feel the me I knew is now dying
so much I want to take back but I can't trust
myself, but anyway I keep trying
the stains on my hands are the color of rust
the blood won't come off 'cause it's drying
my life is filled with no remorse
I have no more time to be buying
I've tried so hard but can't change the course
it's too hard when you're blindly flying
my head jerks back and forth, paranoid
from what I know to be spying
it's useless to fill this empty void
these knots in me are too big to try untying
Deliberately they try changing my face
Search all around, place after place
The truth is so quiet it cannot be heard
But it screams out at me, every last word
Drilling a hole through my consciousness, torn
Packaged in plastic; manufactured, not born
A facade you put on for all of society
Always escaping, can't cope with sobriety
The world is not real, a shroud on your eyes
Chemical breakthroughs chase away lies
Digits are bloody from scratching the surface
If you don't use your mind then what is its purpose?
Irrelevant fears of the true and the real
In the air that you breathe, the pain that you feel
The walls tough to break, titanium-clad
Increasing proportions, in existence so drab
You're drugged into seeing what they want you to see
Check into the Real, and come join the Free
Unknown men in an unknown land. Dusty boots on dusty roads. Warm, gritty surfaces crunch underfoot. Mellow meandering through brushed hills alive with death. A dry river bed cracked and baked in the sun. Chirping birds flank left and right, startled by the sound of radio static. Breeze, slightly blowing, confesses a hint of smoke in the distance. Thunder and lightning crack and boom in the clear skies overhead. Wandering further from safety, air grows thick with the stink of hate. Arid countryside turns into blackened, empty city streets. Masterless mongrels sniff at fly covered mounds in the dirt. Signs of nearby fire linger strong like a haze in the air. Step cautiously, keeping always on the alert. All is calm in the streets of hell, for now.
A flash of light and a crack of thunder from the window at the end of the street. Dirt puffs and explodes all around as more flashes of light join. Demons fly past, screaming their curses as they go. Muzzle blasts appear now all around like fireflies in the lowering light of approaching dusk. The once unscathed walls are now deeply pocketed from the impact of horizontal, metallic rain. Under the roaring of gunfire, behind an overturned pickup truck or behind a wall, god is found by some. Out from behind cover, from inside empty window frames and doorways, the battle rages on. The sandy roads are now red, muddy rivers like religious horror stories brought to life. Clouds of blood and dust caress every outer sense on the human body. The taste of death on your tongue, rusty and bittersweet, your throat leathery-dry. The smell of singed flesh and gunpowder, the sweat of fear burning your nostrils. The feeling of heat from ejected brass, the sticky moisture on your palms and brow. The loud echoing clap of gunfire, then the sounds of screams before dying off into eternal silence. The look on the faces of those whose life you end, their blood and mortality decorating the environment.
In the middle of hell, surrounded by screams of the injured and the dying, a pink flower grows from a blood-filled crack in the ground.
Death walks lightly around, its presence felt with every squeeze of the trigger, every heartbeat. On the ground life ceases to exist in cold, blank gazes from now-unseeing eyes. The blood that once was life now spells out death in splatters on the wall and pools in the dirt. Suddenly the screaming stops, movement halts, the dust begins to settle. Gunfire has ceased, but thunder still booms somewhere off to the north. The air is thick like overly-chlorinated water, lungs are burning. Shaking, out of breath, upright balance is restored. A gentle breeze blows, clearing some of the haze of battle. Darkness is engulfing the earth, the sun sleeps just over the horizon now. Deep breaths of thick air to steady shaky hands and shot nerves. All is calm in the streets of hell once more.
One more shot rings out. A crimson spray in the twilight. All is silent now but the sound of flesh meeting dirt. Vision blurs, hearing fades, smells and tastes disappear, body goes numb. What once was life is now agonizing death. Blood trickles...
Back home there's a knock at the door.
A man in a suit with a tri-folded flag.
Sent to deliver a message.
Though the war is over, the battle was lost.
Your child won't be returning home.
Not now, not ever.
Blood spilled, life lost, tears shed.
All in vain.
All for the sake.
Grasping my mentality, writhing, turn around
Inner turmoil, no ascent, limbless, gagged and bound
Cerebral decadence they cause, no pity for the weak
Hypnotizing with their thoughts, you cannot hear them speak
Their purpose, thrive, motioning, actions cataclysmic
Tragic outcomes, no finding them, burrowed in too distant
Too intricately complicated, no elaborations
Know about them, mind and shell, compromising their creations
Breathing life into their lungs, they feed on negativity
Happiness, a world of pain, festering anger, they pick at me
Correlating conspiracies, their network intertwines
Mental chaos, extreme emotions, seeding hatred in our minds
Against the grain, different paths, calculating choices
I battle on, sword and shield, to separate my voices
To drive them out, misguided thoughts, concentrate delusions
Twisted sight, no direction, spurting forth confusion
Silenced then are the ones, beings living deep within
But I'll reinforce my mental doorway; the intruders will be back again
An empty, blank piece of parchment, sitting atop a desk, awaiting the artist's script. An unspoken thought in mind, a wonder of artistic thought that must be recorded. His quill is dipped yet writes nothing, it seems his inkwell has run dry. Desperate to express himself, to saturate this emptiness with all inside, he searches for something, anything. He goes to the fireplace to look for ash to mix with water, and finds naught but clean, bare, brick. The words inside are lingering, but becoming less memorable as time passes. Surely the kiss of a fermented grape can mark his words; to the cellar now to find a bit of wine. But just as life leaves behind an empty vessel as it passes, only empty bottles now remain. Visions of his masterpiece fading in his head, sentences fragmenting into words, words breaking down into single letters, letters disintegrating into nothingness. Frantic, panicking, desperation now grows within. An empty wine bottle soars through the air, crashing down on the barren cellar floor. Upon coming to his senses and picking up the broken shards of his sanity, he pricks his finger on a sliver of glass, summoning a drop of red to the surface. Blood, blood will be just as good as ink! Drawing forth a jagged little piece, ruby lines now mark the spot on his wrist to open the tap. There now, the ink he has been searching for so desperately. But oh, how he has cut himself too deeply! Surely now, he must hurry and jot down his words before bloodloss overtakes him and his tale is untold. Quickly to the inkwell, painfully squeezing out his life, filling it so quickly with dark red that it overflows. Hands shaking now, his clothes soaking with his mortality, the artist sits at his desk. Dizziness comes in waves as he pulls his parchment closer. With most of his memory still intact, he dips his quill once more. As he draws it nearer the paper he discovers with horror, while bleeding his life onto the desk, with so little time remaining, his quill has broken and cannot write...
Vivid stars and streams of light fill what little vision he has left. His eyes close.